Twilight – The Musical?

Yeah, you read that right. Just when I thought I was rid of that incessant franchise, this gets announced. In the words of SNL’s Amy Poehler and Seth Myers, “REALLY?!” It’s bad enough that I’ve been forced to endure watching all four ridiculously melodramatic films (My wife has sat through every comic book movie that’s come out in the past 3 years. It’s the least I could do). Now the whole thing will be put to music? Well, if the powers that be insist on bringing Twilight to the stage, I would like to offer a few song title suggestions:

Jacob’s Lament (The Furrowed Brow)
Boys Love a Helpless Girl
Body Glitter Blues
Smells Like Wet Dog

Sometimes I am utterly amazed at my own genius. This would not be one of those times.

-Akil

Funny Girl revival scrapped

When I heard that the revival of Funny Girl (starring Lauren Ambrose in the iconic role of Fanny Brice) had been postponed indefinitely, I immediately envisioned a trench coat and a fedora-wearing Lea Michelle in a dark alley somewhere, paying off some unseemly character with an envelope full of cash. I, for one, am glad that this project fell through. As far as I’m concerned, Funny Girl will always be Barbra Streisand’s show. Anything else is just a pale imitation. You don’t remake Gone with the Wind. You don’t remake Citizen Kane. And you absolutely DO NOT remake Funny Girl.

Now, a stage adaptation of Yentl is a different story.

- Akil